Identity
The annual NALIP Conference is this weekend. NALIP is the National Association of Latino Independent Producers. It’s a group that has been a huge support in my development as a filmmaker. I attended their Writer’s Lab in 2008 and their Media Market where I was able to practice pitching my project in 2009. This is also the fourth conference I’ve attended. And yet, there was something not quite right while I was there today. I’m not sure what it is, but I have a bit of an idea.
There are two reasons I left the first day of the conference feeling a little down. I will cover one of those reasons when I recap the conference next week. I’m confident it can redeem itself tomorrow, but basically, I’m a little disappointed by the mainstream, studio-heavy focus of an organization intended for “Independent Producers”.
The second reason relates to it being a conference for Latinos. This gets into sticky territory for me. The conference is a place where a majority of people can relax among similar personalities, mixing in Spanglish, or speaking solely Spanish. There’s always a couple of Spanish jokes told throughout the weekends that I’m left fake chuckling at while wishing I knew what was going on.
The thing is, when I’m in a place where I connect with others, I’m discussing the merits of the 11th Doctor or complaining about the flaws in the Star Trek reboot. I don’t know Spanish, but I’m fluent in Geek.
Yet, there is something that I connect with at NALIP. The films that members produce always inspire me. Despite the language barrier, I get them, and to a point, they get me. Because no matter how hard I try – how well spoken and nicely groomed I present myself I still have a Spanish name, dark skin, and poofy Mexican hair. No amount of PC colorblindness is going to change perceptions I have to work through in the near future.
So I wind up somewhere in between. I fit in about halfway and sometimes that’s uncomfortable. But a couple things make me hopeful that this won’t always be the case at NALIP.
1 – Rosetta Stone has definitely helped. If only I had the time to use it more often.
2 – Passion for films is a common language, whether it’s studio folk or indie producers.
3 – This is an exciting time for Latinos and for Indie Films. Things are in flux and there’s a huge opportunity to be at the forefront of these changes. To be one or the other is nice. To be both is awesome.
It leaves me at a crossroads and makes me wonder exactly what I’m doing and where my focus should be right now. That may be the reason I felt down today. As I work tirelessly for projects elsewhere, with a culture and film scene I understand less the more I’m exposed to it, I’m letting a huge opportunity slip by here at home. It’s an opportunity that I connect with on a personal level and as a filmmaker and writer. Maybe it’s time for a new direction. Or, more accurately, maybe it’s time to bring my focus back where it belongs.