Further Conversations at Borders
Further conversations at Borders
Well, after a month of working, I’m nearly at a breaking point. I have an intense desire to run away as fast as I can for the first hour of every shift. I run through a variety of scenarios in my head. “Should I induce vomiting?” “Should I just walk out now?” I start doing the math in my head to see how long I absolutely have to stay.
It’s really not as bad as I make it out to be. Once I’m through the first hour, the rest of the shift isn’t so terrible. Here’s a few more thoughts and quotes I’ve gathered since my last post:
- I’ve been asked this multiple times so I wanted to set the record straight. We do not “still have” a pumpkin spice latte. We never had one, so how could we still have one? Not every coffee shop is Starbucks.
- If you ask for a round up favor to get the 4-hour validation stamp (minimum $5 purchase) and then don’t put any of the change I hand you into the tip jar and walk away, you sir, are a douche.
- “There’s a lot of foam in this latte.”
“There’s a regular amount of foam in that latte.”
“I don’t want any foam. I don’t want this latte, I need a new one.”
“So now you want a latte with no foam?”
“Yes.”
(fake smile) “Sure.”
(make latte) “I have a small vanilla latte with NO FOAM.”
Yes, I’m reduced to passive-aggressive swipes at customers, because it’s all I’ve got.
- Apparently, “tall” at the UCLA café means “medium”, even though it means “small” at Starbucks. One of the new café workers used to work in that UCLA café. It makes for some awesome conversations. I realize where the confusion is when it starts, but it’s more fun to watch the participants figure it out than to step in and explain it.
“Tall latte please.”
“You mean medium.”
“No, small.”
“Sorry, I thought you said tall.”
“I did.”
“But tall is a medium.”
“No, it’s a small.”
“So you want a small?”
“Yes, a tall.”
“Medium?”
By this point, someone’s head explodes. It’s happened a few times already.
- If you ask, “what’s the freshest thing out?” at a Borders, the answer you get in response will be defined as, “the most recently defrosted processed food.”
On the positive side, 95% of the workers are fun, laid back people. That’s what makes everything after the first hour tolerable. Also, I’m well on track to winning a $10 gift card after the holiday season. My numbers are crushing the competition. It’s amazing the scale of competency at a retail store translates like this: “fulfilling all job requirements = rockstar performer.” I’ll take it.