Networking mixer
Networking. I shudder at the word. Not that I’m anti-social. I have no problem going out with friends, having a good time, or meeting new people. It’s just the thought of events organized for the specific goal of getting to know others for the purpose of business. They’re never as bad as I make myself think they’ll be, of course. I get anxious in the hours leading up to it, having horrible flashbacks to eating alone at the high school lunch table and wondering if I’ll end up in a corner downing tequila shots by myself. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened yet (unfortunately, sometimes that’s a better alternative than the actual networking).
So I went to one of these types of events this week. It wasn’t bad. It was a good group of people. I’ve improved at making an effort at these things. Smile, eye contact, ask questions. Check, check, and check. I’ve read up on this. Practiced. Nobody’s told my heart yet, as it still pounds and tells my hands to get shaky, but what can I do other than keep practicing?
There are three problems I still have though. The first is introductions. Once I’m in a conversation, things are great. I’m like a teen learning to drive: if I can get to second gear without stalling, I’m home free. But sometimes I get nervous and the car stalls at the freeway entrance and then nobody is happy. So there’s that. If people can get past the giant, “I’m a little awkward at first” post-it on my forehead, things go well.
The second problem is something I’d call the “dialogue inside my head” problem. I try to listen. I try really hard sometimes. But sometimes, I can’t help but get all ADD with my inner dialogue. The easiest way to explain how this works is to show you an example:
“This person is pretty cool. What’s that smell? That smells good. I think I’m a little hungry. Are his eyes getting shifty? Does he want to leave? I should nod to show I’m listening.”
I nod.
“Now focus. What if he asks me what the last thing he said was? Is it that obvious I’m not listening? But I am listening. Ok, focus. Memorize the next sentence he says in case he calls me out because I don’t look like I’m listening.”
I listen intently.
“Got it. Why would anyone ever do that? Would someone really ask you to repeat the last thing they said? That would be a jerk move. It’s never happened, but I should be prepared. There’s that smell again. Oh my god. What are we talking about?”
The voice inside my head is evil.
The third problem is how to leave a conversation. What happens when you’ve had your fill of a person? Not to say someone’s boring, just that it’s supposed to be networking. I should be “working the room” and introducing myself to everyone. But because of problem #1, I won’t easily walk up to another person. More likely, I’ll stand around for a bit and hope someone talks to me.
“Someone please talk to me!” my inside voice screams while panic starts to build.
I want to avoid that scenario and I also can’t end the conversation without a reason. That’s when I end up talking to a single person for way longer than intended and know more details about their life than I ever imagined. Very cool and makes me like that person, but again, not the purpose of the party. I need to have a smooth exit line, akin to a golden pick-up line. The best I can do right now is, “excuse me while I…step over here by myself.” Not a good enough reason to move on.
The mixer I went to this week wasn’t a disaster. Nobody could hear my evil inside voice, so I think it went okay. I met some cool people and didn’t make a fool of myself. Any time those two things happen at event, it has to be considered a success. My loner tequila days may well be over.